Vulnerability is scary. No doubt about it. We have been taught, and often our experiences have been, that when we leave ourselves emotionally vulnerable, we will be hurt, taken advantage of and/or betrayed. So why would anyone choose to be vulnerable? Why wouldn’t we want to build up emotional walls that protect us? Walls that keep our heart, and therefore us, safe? When we let our walls down, let people in, we leave ourselves exposed to pain of all types.
Well, how many of us are close to burn out? How many of us suffer from depression? Or rage? How many of us have body issues and unhealthy intimate relationships? Do we have anyone we would call true friends? Probably more of us don’t than do. I’m guessing, (based on stats) that waaay too many people feel alone, hopeless and depressed. And I’m guessing that these emotions show up at home, at the gym, at social gatherings, at work and even places like the grocery store. Are you one of the millions? Does any of this sound familiar to you? When we wall ourselves off, we cannot create the connections that we desire. How can we? The problem with walls is that they keep everyone out. Funny thing, people think that by building a wall to keep out “that one person” (or type of person) the wall ends up being a barrier to everyone.
I know. I did it.
I am a #MeToo survivor. Three times over. I was a victim at a very young age again as a pre-teen and once again right after I got married. I put up walls to protect against “that type of character” and ended up closing myself in and blocking everyone else out. I really believed that I was able to let in one of two of my girlfriends and my husband. Now, at the young age of 50, I am just realizing how closed off I really was. Because of the inner, transformational work that I have been doing, I see how much I had dimmed my light. I understand that the lack of emotion was not a calm, stable place, it was a controlled, smothered place. I get it because I now live in a calm, centered state of mind. Because of this new centeredness, I am finally able to be vulnerable again. It’s pretty damn scary! But, I’m tired of feeling alone. I’m also tired of the old me.
I felt that if I appeared strong, closed my heart, didn’t show emotion, did things “the right way” I would not be a victim anymore. Problem was, I became a victim to my own trappings. I became a victim of the negative belief system that is so prevalent in today’s society; the one that says that women have to close off their hearts and stifle their emotions, in order to not be victimized. The belief that we somehow have to give up our identity to “be safe” is SO WRONG!
I am standing up for me! I am standing up for women! I know I will be judged. I know I will be criticized. I will be (and already have become) a target for men AND women to say nasty things about me. And I’m ok with that. Because, I am no longer willing to sit in the darkness, alone, scared, and depressed. I’m ok with it, because I know that by standing up and stepping forward, maybe it will inspire or encourage someone else. I will hold out my hand knowing that it might possibly get slapped, but then I will hold it out again and again and again. I know that eventually, another woman will take it and be lifted up too. Then we, together, will hold out our hands to other women and still more until there are so many of us that have been lifted out of the darkness that society won’t have a choice but to recognize us because the light will become so bright that they can’t deny us.
That is why I am choosing to let my heart be vulnerable. Join me?
Love and Light,