I recently had a visit from a very dear friend. We have been through a lot of ups and downs together over the years, and our friendship has lasted through them all. However, this visit, in particular, marked a major shift in our friendship. I let down some walls I didn't realize I had up.
So, let me explain. A couple of years ago, we took a trip together and she asked me why I "don't let her in". I thought she was crazy and told her so. She was/is my dearest friend. However, these last few months, I have been doing a lot of inner work; really focusing on divine femininity, leading to a deeper understanding about myself. So, during this visit, when some things happened, I realized that I was holding her at arms length, just like she said I was.
She is a beautiful, expressive, dynamic, sometimes a little over the top, almost extreme in her expression of emotion, woman. While I love this about her, I have always been a little envious of her ability to be so free. Buried within my envy was judgement. Because I could not/would not allow myself to "be me" I judged her for "being her", even while saying "I love you." In spite of the judgement, we have continued to be friends.
So now, because of the inner work that I have been doing, when certain events happened on this visit, I held up a mirror to myself. I could see that I was projecting my envy onto her and it led to judgement. We talked about it. I admitted my envy and subsequent judgement. This led to a very open and honest conversation. I let her know that I am bringing down walls. I might slip now and then, but I am actively connecting with me and in so doing, with her and others around me.
This realization, in addition to several others over the last few months, has led to a greater understanding about feminine leadership. TRUE feminine leadership is about connection. It is about uplifting each other and allowing each other to shine. While I had always encouraged my friend to be herself, even counseled/consoled her over the years when things were rough and others openly judged, I still let that dark space into my heart. I still projected my envy onto her. By releasing it, I can more completely and fully accept her in all her beautiful, over the top, expressive, emotional, vivacious glory! I can applaud her successes 1000%. I can hold space for her and be completely available for her when she needs me. And THAT, is freeing. THAT is love. THAT is friendship, leadership, divine feminine energy.